Bitch, she rocked Madison Square Garden last night with the first of three NYC shows.
By Brandon Voss
1. SAID IT, DID IT, HIT IT, QUIT IT
As Madonna’s opening act on her New York dates, Amy Schumer swigged from a bottle of Hollywood and Vine chardonnay during her raunchy set and acknowledged her appreciation for all the gay men in the audience. Later in the show, Schumer was invited back onstage as the night’s “Unapologetic Bitch,” spanked by Madonna, and encouraged to have her way with a banana.
2. BITCH, GET OFF MY POLE!
The Catholic struggle is real. Madonna was up to her old fabulously blasphemous tricks, most notably during “Holy Water” with a sexy Last Supper tableau and girls pole-dancing in nuns’ habits and frilly panties. Madonna herself worked a cross-pole so much that I was exhausted!
3. I’M ON FIRE
She sometimes loves to overly reinvent her classics, but Madonna kept it 100 on her guitar-shredding “Burning Up.” “Are you ready to burn this place down?” she asked. As RuPaul might’ve replied, “Madonna, your pussy is on fire!”
4. TILL WE BREAK THE BED
With Erotica imagery projected behind them, four couples — including a pair of hot guys — gave Madonna a break as they suggestively danced on beds to “S.E.X.”
5. HELL YEAH, THIS IS ME
“I survived,” said Madonna before strumming “Rebel Heart” as beautiful fan art projected behind her, highlighting her long career and many reinventions. It's a lot of look!
6. EVERYBODY IN THIS PARTY’S SHINING
I totally forgot to breathe during “Illuminati,” when seven male dancers climbed atop tall, bendy poles and Cirque du Soleiled the shit out of it.
7. BEEN SAVING IT ALL FOR YOU
Madonna sucked her thumb, strutting and galloping around the stage like a naughty cowgirl, for a solo, fan-blown performance of “Like a Virgin.”
8. LIGHT UP MY LIFE
Feeling nostalgic because she played MSG 30 years ago, Senorita Madonna ended her Spanish-flavored ’80s medley — “La Isla Bonita,” “Dress You Up,” “Into the Groove,” “Lucky Star” — with an incredible acoustic guitar version of “Who’s That Girl?” that inspired a gorgeous sea of iPhone lights waving in the crowd. Who is that girl? “I still don’t know,” she admitted afterward.
9. DO YOU LIKE TO BOOGIE WOOGIE?
Madonna felt an art deco ’30s cabaret fantasy for “Music,” “Candy Shop,” and “Material Girl,” which she ended by walking down the runway in a white wedding veil, tossing a bouquet to a gay couple in the crowd whom she then encouraged to kiss.
10. FORGET ABOUT THE BAD TIMES
What a finale! Joined by dancers in various stages of undress, Madonna blew in with an American flag cape for a classic rendition of “Holiday,” after which she floated off into the rafters from whence she’d first descended during her “Iconic” opener.
Next, September 2015.