Get to know lez poet-security guard Molly “Equality” Dykeman — comic Andrea Alton's alter ego — who celebrates NYC pride in the live variety show I Can't Even Think Straight.
By Brandon Voss
1. What turns you on, creatively or otherwise?
Molly "Equality" Dykeman: Boobs are always a safe bet and often inspire me creatively and romantically. If you’re funny and like zombie movies, that’s also a turn-on.
2. What’s a good tip for someone who wants to be you for Halloween?
Why stop at just Halloween? I’d also recommend being me for Christmas or MLK day.
3. Which celebrity’s hair do you covet most?
John Stamos circa Full House. He was workin’ it.
4. What would your death-row last meal be?
Pepperoni pizza topped with chicken fingers and nachos.
5. What’s your juiciest vice or guiltiest pleasure?
Snow globes.
6. What extravagant purchase should probably make you feel guiltier?
I ran off to Spain for two weeks to be with a woman last year. It cost me a ton of money and I didn’t end up with the girl, but it was an exciting adventure.
7. When’s the last time you wanted to slap someone?
When I was in Dublin, some drunk guy put his hand on my ass before a show. Instead of slapping him, I made sure he paid the 15 Euros to see the show and then I had the bouncer throw him out when he started acting like a dick. Maybe I should have slapped him, but I needed the money.
8. What most likely made that stain on your outfit?
Nacho cheese. It gets me every time.
9. Describe your favorite undergarment.
Panties. They can be thongs, bikinis, or granny panties… it makes no difference to me.
10. What’s a lie you’ve told more than once?
“No, I didn’t take your Percocet.”
BONUS: Where do you see yourself in five minutes?
I’m leaning towards eating a Hot Pocket or reading a picture book about dinosaurs. I’ll keep you posted.
DLNQNT, June 2012.